This summer was hard and wonderful.
We are not as good at being parents as we appear to be. Who is, you say? That's a good point, but it still bears saying: we are not as good at this as we thought we might have been. We love our kids with the heat of a thousand suns and still it is not enough to cover the trauma or be the peace that our kids need us to be. When you have kids the old fashioned way you get to bluff your way through a bit. My friend said recently, "I get closed adoption… it's so much easier for the adoptive parents". She was being feisty and reckless, but we both groaned knowing that it is the truth of it all.
Easier is almost never better.
October is my favourite month even though it's still 80 something degrees outside this week and I'm neck deep in day to day stuff. I am not "delighting in the little things" because the little things are annoying and frustrating and there are many, much bigger things I would like to be neck deep in. But I had a fit of panic the other day when I wondered if maybe my hosting fees hadn't been paid and the last 10 years here were in the wind. I guess that means that I am not finished here.
Thanks for sticking with me here… If you are, indeed, sticking with.