We had Augie’s final court date this morning. We appeared by phone from Oregon to Florida, which was strange and funny but no less real than being there in person. So. That’s done. Though any parent will tell you, the making/getting/having is usually the easy part. I think it’s no more true than in adoption– especially trans-racial adoption, where you know, it becomes so much more than family business the moment we leave the house. The process doesn’t end with a court date.
Adoption was always our first choice. We didn’t always know what it was going to look like, but we knew it was a good fit for our family. We read books and talked to people who were raising their families this way. I spent loads of time wading through forums online. I had a baby. Hah. Then it was sort of "now or never", and so we applied and seven months later on a Friday we got a call that a baby was waiting for us, and could we come as soon as possible? We met him on that Sunday. On the plane back from Florida I sat next to a woman who had raised her own family and was completely flummoxed by our situation. I had this scrawny, little bear in my lap and she started in with the questions– fertility, race, economics, and the dreaded but well-meaning idea of luck. I knew that they were coming and I gotta say, it was kind of awesome they all came out a well educated, wealthy, white Texan within minutes of leaving our hotel with our sweet boy. I laughed a lot, did a little bit of sweating, and tried to be as generous as I possibly could. It was good practice. She said that she had never met anyone like us. Now she has.
The thing that is most important for me to communicate when people push right now (whether their intentions are good or suspect)– right in this time while he’s still little and doesn’t have a clue– is that adoption is not for everyone but it was for us and it is for so many people. We are not so out of-the-ordinary and desperate times or circumstances didn’t force our hand. We did not make this decision out of pity or guilt or after watching a particularly touching television special. He was a healthy baby who’s mom made a really brave choice. Yes, the fees can be quite high. No, not all of our family is supportive. We do not want to be like Brad or Angelina (okay, maybe a little) or Madonna. There are lots of people in the same boat and even if it is their Plan B or C or whatever, it can be the best plan they ever make.
In the end, this day made him ours on paper. Honestly though, he’s ours but he’s not ours– his family in Florida is a very present part of our lives and we hope to share him in whatever capacity we’re able. I wouldn’t want it any other way. Can someone be loved by too many people? I hope not. We would need an entirely new plan.
last two film photos by hannah.
Melissa Frantz 
oh melissa, this is too beautiful. thank you for being so open and honest and sharing with us your thoughts and feelings about your family and how it is right for you (and it clearly is so very right for you). congratulations to all of you.
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Congratulations! You are a beautiful family and I’m so happy for all of you.
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I just had to comment to say thank you for sharing such an intimate and important part of your life with your blogreaders. Every time I read your blog posts, I first scan to see if you’ve included any pictures of your gorgeous little boys. You truly have such a strikingly beautifu family. Congratulations!
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this was a beautiful post. i think adoption is a wonderful thing and couldn’t be happier for your sweet family. congratulations on a healthy happy baby.
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You are so brave. This is a wonderful, honest post. Thank you.
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Melissa,
I think if we met, I would like you a lot. As a single mom of one daughter, I would adopt in a heartbeat to give a loving home to a child. You continue to inspire me and perhaps, one day, I too will take the step that you and your family have taken with such a pure heart. Until then, I love-up on my own and strive to fill this world with love-filled families, whether we be two or twenty deep.
Dawn
The Gahan Girls
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I think you are amazing, inspiring and so blessed. When you do something that you know you were meant to do, there will always be those (who of course were obviously not born to do that same thing) who will not be able to comprehend a decision or choice made… good on you! I think your family is so beautiful! All the best. xK
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Thanks for sharing your story and the beautiful photos. Congratulations!
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congratulations…this is such a great thing and your little bear cub is too cute to handle!
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Big hugs to little A and to you all! My sister and her husband have a similar story to yours (just with more kids) so I love you for this post. 😉
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Thanks for sharing these thoughts! I think, I’m not a person who would choose this way to get a family (maybe easy to say since I have two wonderful sons) but I have a lot of respect for You and now I understand this way a little more-never expected to do so after reading in a craft blog! All the best for Your family!! Katharina
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a very beautiful story…
thanks for sharing.
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Congratulations!
I appreciate hearing stories like this. I’m so happy for your family!
It’s true that it doesn’t matter how they come into your life just that you love them to little bitty pieces!
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Every child should be so wanted and loved. Congratulations on your beautiful family.
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I admit that I am surprised that people (strangers) are so bold and nosy with you. My husband and I talk a lot about adopting from a third world (non-white) country in a few years, and it never occurred to me that strangers would ask questions. I guess I have a lot to learn. I just can’t believe how adorable that Auggie is, and I’m so glad to hear that he has family in Fl. who will help him know that his being a part of your family does not mean that he was unloved by another one.
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It’s wonderful that you are brave enough as parents to have your little one grow up knowing his birth family also. I was adopted in the 1970s when open adoptions didn’t yet exist but was still lucky enough to be found by my birth-father when I was a teenager. He is now such a big part of my life and even of my adoptive parents’ lives.
I know too how complicated it can all be though- I recently found my birth-mother through a simple google search and decided to contact her. She was pretty negative and asked never to hear from me again. I thought that I was okay with that but then the other night we watched Juno and I seriously cried from beginning to end. I read your post the next day and I think it really resonated with me in part, because of the timing (hence my over sharing here!). Anyway, the point is adoption may not be the typical way that families happen but it is the way that a lot of our families happen and even when it is complicated, it is wonderful too. Thanks for sharing with us.
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Family is a circle of love and each one unique. We can learn and grow so much by appreciating one another’s experiences and family stories. Congratulations and thank you for being so open, honest and sharing.
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You have a beautiful family and thank you for sharing you journey with us. My brother is adopted and is half Native American, and we joke now as adults that being adopted didn’t matter, we hated each other growing up as if we were related by blood!!
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i have no words. i’m just happy to “know” you. and your family. and the light you bring to the world.
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thanks for your honesty. we are adopting from ethiopia. we are excited and worried and in awe of it all. it’ll be our first baby. am reading all i can on the issue. appreciate your post, again.
best to you.
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We are a “handmade” family as well. Our son is from Haiti. You can find us here: http://www.thishandmadelife.blogspot.com. Loved your post.
~ Jodi
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I am so happy to see someone share their experience! One of my close friends just celebrated her son’s first birthday and shortly afterward, spend a few months in the hospital with him with pneumonia. She stayed with him diligently throughout his stay and he prevailed. I could think of no one better to be his mom! Thanks for sharing!
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Thank you for sharing all of this. xoxo
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He has such a nice family, you have a beautiful family.
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..welling up over here… have i mentioned what beautiful people you are? beautiful. and eloquent. and honest. congratulations, a hundred, thousand times over.
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I’ve never seen a happier looking baby than in that top photo!
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Your family is beautiful and you have a big unselfish heart. You got lucky and the baby too!
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Augi-licious! This was a lovely post. Just lovely. Happy Mothering.
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this is so good and real, m. “Can a person be loved by too many people?” i hope not either.
xo to you all.
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CONGRATULATIONS on your adoption! we finalized our first adoption last July in Orlando, Florida…and we’re starting visitation tomorrow *yay* with my son’s foster sister (not biological, but they’ve been together since they were babies!)
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This made me cry. Thanks so much for sharing!Makes me totally want to adopt my next one.(I’ve always sort of dreamed about having a little Asian baby)
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Wow, thank you for sharing such a thoughtful, beautiful post. I love everything you had to say and wish you all the best as you raise your family. Sam and Augie are very lucky to have parents like you guys. Congratulations!
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God was that beautiful Melissa.
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this is so inspirational! I truly enjoyed reading your adoption story today. We have 2 lovely little girls of our own, but I have always had it in my heart to adopt one day… Congratulations!
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Needed to find your blog today.. very encouraging for me who finds myself in a never ending waiting process for a domestic adoption!
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You rock, Melissa. Seriously rock.
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Thank you for sharing, your family is so beautiful and filled with love and loving intentions and that’s all that matters.
Lots of Love,
Dy
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this is my first visit to your blog (saw your link on angry chicken) and I have to say what a lovely little family you have, the newest addition is far beyond cuteness. Congratulations!
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melissa… it is said by the other comments more eloquently than i can… but thank you, so much, for this post.
your family is beautiful. and so very full of love.
xox
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Hey, just checking in via a post on angry chicken about cutting T-shirts down to pants, and I happened to click back and find this post. You guys are gorgeous and I’m so impressed by your grace under pressure. (Who the heck asks these kinds of questions? People are weird sometimes.)
Anyway, cheers and best wishes from a random Internet stranger who just came in search of pants… 😉
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no one can ever be loved too much. kudos to your family for making such a life changing decision. thank you for your unselfishness in choosing to love that adorable baby boy and giving him a future he might not have had without you. as an african american woman whose family just recently went through a bi-racial adoption, i thank you for choosing love over race. there will be challenges from the ignorances of society, but be encouraged. the love of your family is a mighty force.
congratulations! sending you blessings, encouragement and strength.
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Congratulations! I just love the smile on that sweet, sweet baby. Your family is blessed.
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I wish you all a lot of happiness. Your baby is absolutely gorgeous (all that wonderful hair and he looks well nourished and lacking in nothing) and he has a wonderful older brother and great parents that will lead and guide him through life. What a wonderful picture.
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Such an eloquent and touching post. What a beautiful family you’ll make.
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Congratulations! As an adoptive mother of three boys I am always thrilled to hear about other families adoption story. We have good relationships with two of our birth mothers who even come and see our sons on their birthdays. I wouldn’t want it any other way. I wish you and your family the best.
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Seeing this entry made me reminisce about my own family. In 1973, my parents brought an 11 day-old baby into our home for what they thought would be a temporary foster parenting stint. Since Benjamin was clearly black and we were obviously very white, there were a number of eyebrows raised! However, when my parents decided to adopt him within a few months, most people were very supportive. It seems to me, looking back, that adoption was much more common then. So many of the families in our neighborhood had adopted children (although we were the only ones with a child of African descent). Among the people that I know now, I don’t think any have adopted children. It’s such a shame. My brother has brought me a great deal of happiness.
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This made me cry. So beautiful. Thank you.
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How did you start the adoption process? My husband and I are in Seattle and would like to adopt, maybe from the Philippines, since that is where I’m from, but we are just a little uncertain where to start? Any advice you would have would be so appreciated.
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seriously? augie is just so scrumptious that i could eat him with a spoon.
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I just found your blog, and was so touched by this post. What a beautiful family you have. Your boys are very lucky to have such great and supportive parents. I agree, there can never be too many people to love your son(s).
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