We had Augie’s final court date this morning. We appeared by phone from Oregon to Florida, which was strange and funny but no less real than being there in person. So. That’s done. Though any parent will tell you, the making/getting/having is usually the easy part. I think it’s no more true than in adoption– especially trans-racial adoption, where you know, it becomes so much more than family business the moment we leave the house. The process doesn’t end with a court date.
Adoption was always our first choice. We didn’t always know what it was going to look like, but we knew it was a good fit for our family. We read books and talked to people who were raising their families this way. I spent loads of time wading through forums online. I had a baby. Hah. Then it was sort of "now or never", and so we applied and seven months later on a Friday we got a call that a baby was waiting for us, and could we come as soon as possible? We met him on that Sunday. On the plane back from Florida I sat next to a woman who had raised her own family and was completely flummoxed by our situation. I had this scrawny, little bear in my lap and she started in with the questions– fertility, race, economics, and the dreaded but well-meaning idea of luck. I knew that they were coming and I gotta say, it was kind of awesome they all came out a well educated, wealthy, white Texan within minutes of leaving our hotel with our sweet boy. I laughed a lot, did a little bit of sweating, and tried to be as generous as I possibly could. It was good practice. She said that she had never met anyone like us. Now she has.
The thing that is most important for me to communicate when people push right now (whether their intentions are good or suspect)– right in this time while he’s still little and doesn’t have a clue– is that adoption is not for everyone but it was for us and it is for so many people. We are not so out of-the-ordinary and desperate times or circumstances didn’t force our hand. We did not make this decision out of pity or guilt or after watching a particularly touching television special. He was a healthy baby who’s mom made a really brave choice. Yes, the fees can be quite high. No, not all of our family is supportive. We do not want to be like Brad or Angelina (okay, maybe a little) or Madonna. There are lots of people in the same boat and even if it is their Plan B or C or whatever, it can be the best plan they ever make.
In the end, this day made him ours on paper. Honestly though, he’s ours but he’s not ours– his family in Florida is a very present part of our lives and we hope to share him in whatever capacity we’re able. I wouldn’t want it any other way. Can someone be loved by too many people? I hope not. We would need an entirely new plan.
last two film photos by hannah.
Melissa Frantz 
thank you for sharing a few thoughts about the A word. it opened my world view, just a little more. i love the last photo of y’all!
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What a wonderful story you have to tell. Thanks for sharing.
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So well-written. You guys are lucky and Augie is lucky, too, and isn’t that as it should be? You have a sweet, beautiful family.
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Wow! Augie is so cute. I am adopted too. I was three weeks old when I was adopted. Not a day goes by when I am not so grateful for the brave choice both my parents and birth mother made. Today so many children are adopted, and we see it on the news so much, but in 1972 it was very different. A few months after my parents adopted me my mom got pregnant with my sister. So Augie and I have lots in common! I too look a little different than my family, but my mom and dad will always tell everyone that they can’t remember which one is adopted, I believe them. I love being adopted. My mom used to always tell me that other parents were just stuck with whatever god gave them but I was chosen!
Congradulations
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Thank you for sharing this. I really respect your honesty and candidness about adoption. You’re so right that adoption is right for so many people, but why is it still such a difficult topic? I’ve always known adoption’s for me, but I married someone with different ideas about creating a family, and right now we’re going through the difficult decision of which path to follow. Your post is so timely.
And congratulations–a beautiful story and a beautiful family!
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Can someone be loved by too many people? I hope not.
i love that!
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Thank you for sharing. I love that last photo.
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Congratulations on your finalization!! You have a gorgeous family.
As the mom of two Chinese born girls I understand the looks and the questions. It amazes me daily that anyone stills asks the silly questions that they do about our transracially adopted girls.
And to boot my husband has cerebral palsy so we are quite the show when we go out! I have gotten used to the stares long ago.
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Do you know the song that goes, “all I really need is a song in my heart, food in my belly and love in my family…” You’ve got it covered.
Cheers, Tracey
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Congratulations, family! These photos make me indescribably happy.
I have always been drawn to adoption. I don’t know yet if it’s right for us, but it makes me so hopeful to see it work so well for a family with a biological child (we also have a Sam).
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Thank you for your thoughts, your honesty. We are waiting for our phone call. This will be our second trans-racial adoption, and the third child to join our family. Thank you for honoring the process, the birthmother, and those of us who walk out of the door with beautiful color in our arms.
Congratulation on your finalization.
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Such a beautiful post. We have really been struggling with this decision. I always knew I wanted 2. We had B and I am so grateful. Part of me feels like if we don’t dive in and adopt a sweet little one I will always wonder. Maybe even feel incomplete. Thank you for this post.
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Congratulations! How wonderful. 🙂 You have a beautiful family. No, you can never be loved too much!
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Thanks for your perspective on adoption. You express such respect for the birth family.
My husband and I recently got legal guardianship of our two little ones-4 year old twins.
People have a lot of questions about why someone would adopt. They automatically assume we can’t have our own biological children. But that’s not the case. We feel, like you, that there is a different plan for our family.
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Oh, that boy is sweetness.
Family is not easy, anywhere or any way we make it. You are so brave and funny and full of love. Augie is a fortunate child, and so is Sam. Not everyone has such mindful parents– love from our home to yours.
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Great post. I love the last picture.
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what a wonderful family. congratulations. thank you for sharing your story.
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Congratulations, what a great day. A quiet end to such a wonderful process.
He really is gorgeous but aren’t they all.
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And one day Sam will introduce his brother to someone and never think a thing about them looking different. It was always funny to me the amazement on people’s faces when I’d introduce my sister for the first time… total shock- they didn’t know what to think- they’d wonder why I didn’t mention before that she was adopted, but it was never an issue- she was just my sister, no different than any other sibling relationship! 🙂
Someone once told my mom that if people started asking for too many details of the adoption story or “real” (biological) family- she could always answer- that’s her story, if she wants to talk to you about it when she’s older, she can. It was always good for shielding the too personal, rude questions.
Congratulations on your finalization!
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This is amazing. As a fellow Portlander that dreams of adopting in the very near future, I am truly happy for you and your family.
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“Can someone be loved by too many people?”…we should all be so lucky to have that problem.
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Super big congratulations to you all. What a wonderful post.
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Very moving post…your family is just beautiful. ^_^
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Congratulations to you 🙂 xxx
We know something of the relief and joy the ‘on paper’ can bring.
The on paper is a security and means a great deal. In real life we are doing it anyway, with lots of love, but those symbolic formal papers are the icing on the cake.
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Adoption is more common where I live than a lot of other places, I think. And babies of other races and national origins while not common place, are not unusual here. Educating people on adoption is important and people need to understand just by looking at your family that its a family of love but also a process of hard work to open your door to any adopted child. What a patient person you are.
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Congratulations…my husband and I have been considering adoption for some time. We tried the government/county route and it wasn’t for us. I take it you went through an agency…how was the experience? We also experience the same questions/comments as we are not adopting out of desperation or that we can’t have a child, we just want to.
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CONGRATULATIONS! It must feel so comforting in your heart to know that it is all said and done and there is no possibility of him being taken away. We were trying to adopt a little girl (a family friend who had lost her mother in a car accident) and some of her distant family all of the sudden decided they wanted her, and in a matter of 3 days without even getting to say good bye to her she was gone from us. It’s been a heart wrenching loss for us. But I know that she is loved regardless of where she is. He is a beautiful little boy, such an adorable smile!
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congrats on your new baby! I’m adopted and love to her stories of other adoptions. your family pix is really sweet! and your new son a cutie!
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I’m so glad that everything has worked out so well. You have such a sweet, beautiful family.
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Dude. That is a seriously cute baby. Gosh, he has gotten big…and ridiculously cute.
Congratulations on the finalization and the healthy perspective you have on the whole deal. People can be annoying, rude, and nosy- but maybe the more they see inter-racial families, the more they understand- the more comfortable they will be with it. And if not, screw ’em.
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Congratulations!
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some things are just meant to be. and that precious baby is meant to be yours and you are meant to be his. now, please pass the tissues.
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I have enjoyed your blog for a while now, but never posted a comment. This post was so lovely, and your family is so lovely. Thank you for letting others share in your experience.
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Beautifully put. I so enjoyed reading this post it is so interesting and full of love. Congratulations to you and your lovely family.
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What cute boys… Congratulations.
You look like such a lovely , fun family.
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Congratulations! Have lots of fun raising your two beautiful boys, they do grow up so fast!
🙂
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this is such a beautiful post melissa. so very you! i had always wondered but didn’t think it was my place to ask. you have a beautiful family and no comment, question or assumption will ever change that. that first pic of augie smiling melts my heart.
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Family, to me, has always included those that I share a special bond with, no matter how we came to be together. Your sweet family truly exemplifies that spirit. Lovely post!
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your family’s big hearts and open minds restore my faith in the human race again. congratulations!
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A very big congrats on finalization. I was referred to your blog by a friend of mine who frequents it. August is beautiful – I can’t wait to read more of your adventures – in crafting and family life.
p.s. we finalized our adoption in Oct…quite a surreal experience.
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First of all, that face- the top picture. Nothing better than a baby that age with THAT look on his face. I love that you put this post out here today. It always astounds me how many people think that everyone else’s business should somehow be their own. In the case of your Texan lady friend, I like to think that she came away from her encounter with a little more insight and a little less of her own pre conceived ideas. My best friend’s sister gave a child for adoption about 12 years ago and she still has some contact with him and I know that has meant the world to her. I think it is so wonderful that you allow his other family to stay in contact with him- what a lucky boy to have all these people looking after him. I think the more families that look like yours , the better the world will be.
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It looks like you have two sweet boys, I love the photos. Thanks for this honest and inspirational post about adoption.
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melissa, If possible 6:00 friday works I can do that. I have to take my son to kaiser. Then I`ll be back. If not friday morning you have my address. Thanks,Teresa
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Congrats! He is the cutest!
We are also in the process of adopting trans-racially (Vietnam and China). It helps that we have several friends who have too (Ethiopia). Your little boy’s smiling face gives me hope that our almost 3-year process will end well too!
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Thanks for sharing this. Just what I needed to read today.
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What a lovely experience and what wise advice- I know how you feel about peoples opinions years ago I dreamt that if you were right about something you would always be able to convince everyone- then I made the decision to homeschool my 4 children- everyone has an opinion and many long discussion ensued-but I have learnt that some things have to be demonstrated rather than discussed, so I hope you have many happy years ahead showing people how well your family fits! Regards Zia
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wow, words escape me, but i was moved by your post and love the truth, that we can never have too many people loving us. wonderful.
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Congratulations! What a lucky boy he is to have a wonderful family like you! And how lucky you are to be blessed with this beautiful baby boy!
He certainly looks happy!!!!
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You wrote about this so beautifully. My husband and I are going through (a very long) adoption right now. I enjoyed reading this post!
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beautifully said! we are also a racially diverse family through adoption. the questions are to be expected, but i’m always conscious of them being in the right context. i’m excited to share with friends, but strangers can get my heart pumping. i am always aware that this is my daughter’s story… not just my own. now she is 6 and i want her to always feel a very integral part of OUR family. i never want to single her out as an interesting anomally. anyhow…i loved reading your words and just knowing! gorgeous family, you are!!
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