This summer was hard and wonderful.
Hard.
We are not as good at being parents as we appear to be. Who is, you say? That's a good point, but it still bears saying: we are not as good at this as we thought we might have been. We love our kids with the heat of a thousand suns and still it is not enough to cover the trauma or be the peace that our kids need us to be. When you have kids the old fashioned way you get to bluff your way through a bit. My friend said recently, "I get closed adoption… it's so much easier for the adoptive parents". She was being feisty and reckless, but we both groaned knowing that it is the truth of it all.
Easier is almost never better.
***
October is my favourite month even though it's still 80 something degrees outside this week and I'm neck deep in day to day stuff. I am not "delighting in the little things" because the little things are annoying and frustrating and there are many, much bigger things I would like to be neck deep in. But I had a fit of panic the other day when I wondered if maybe my hosting fees hadn't been paid and the last 10 years here were in the wind. I guess that means that I am not finished here.
Thanks for sticking with me here… If you are, indeed, sticking with.
(pola by my sister, of my kids, her kids, and my kids for the summer. Her beautiful pictures of these people, here.)
Melissa Frantz 
stick. ing. going nowhere and glad you’re not either. (that’s a lot of negatives, but i hope they make a positive?) xoxo.
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I wish I knew what words I could write to encourage you.
I enjoy your writing and your creative projects and your everyday stuff.
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that’s super encouraging!
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it was, wasn’t it? well. i guess i had to start somewhere. love to you, friend.
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I love your blog, and am glad every time I see you check in. I have a non-traditional family by way of divorce and some days just suck dealing with all of the parenting challenges that come from it. Being a parent is hard enough without the extra challenges you face. I think the fact that you care so much means you are a kick ass parent.
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oh, you know i am sticking with you. miss you. xo.
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I’m in for the long haul.
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Still here, was very excited to see you in my feed!
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Love to see you posting again.
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I’m not going anywhere either, M. You’re an inspiration, whether you feel like one or not. xo.
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Always glad to read what you’re saying. Glad, selfishly, that you’re sticking with things :).
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I am kind of relieved that you posted again. Missed your pictures and story. I always keep checking.
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So glad to see you here again, so sorry your summer was hard… but you amaze me. You live a real, honest, gritty life and I am so grateful that you share it here.
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I have been infrequently checking in to see if you are back, today was my lucky day! I have found great bloggers through you and your sewing projects and the “realness” of your words is wonderful. Thank you. Keep On Truckin’.
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You know I’ll internet stalk you til the end! And real life stalk you if need be.
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I’m so glad you are back.
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